What is a marriage anyway? De toute façon, c’est quoi ¿un matrimonio?

English followed by une version en français y una versión en español. There is also a Notes section in English.

What is a marriage anyway?

After Christer Strömholm, Madrid, 1963 - William Eaton, 2023

My wife and I are taking the tram back to her place in Geneva after

Her birthday dinner. Ten-ish, Saturday night. Tram packed. “Shouldn’t some of us

Be in bed?” I say to Anne, seeing all the kids in strollers and Geneva, now –

I don’t know a more international city; you hear people

Talking French, like my wife and me, and you think, They must be

Foreigners, which we are, on that tram – hearing all the

Different voices – different ages and styles and colors – and

I am once again reminded of a line – “if Puerto Rico isn’t free

In five years I’ll be dead” – from an old poem, “Divorce Work.”

Anne and I haven’t lived together for almost 20 years.

Now I start talking to her about the poem, forgetting the lines

“What a way to split     amicably” “And what’s a marriage

Anyway.” I say something to Anne about the poet going to get a cheap

Divorce on “East 2nd Street, the end of Western Civilization, New York” where

Our son still lives and a sign in the government office says NO

TIRE LA PUERTA, Don’t slam the door and studio apartments now cost

A million dollars or more, and we get to our stop and a mother and

Two small children get out, the boy running ahead and the girl talking

A blue streak which makes the mother laugh and shake her head, along with

The two of us.

Notes

The poem “Divorce Work” was written by the American poet Anne Waldman. We shall assume it is only coincidental that this poet and my wife, whose current great interest is not poetry but pottery, share the same first name.

Waldman’s poem is set in the 1970s, but I first read it in Helping the Dreamer: New and Selected Poems; 1966-1988 (Coffee House Press, 1989). The present poem splits some of Waldman’s lines in two, onto two lines, adding an initial cap that is not in the original.

Some readers may recall that in the 1970s, the long, extraordinary and wonderfully egalitarian post-war economic boom came to a screeching halt. And thus evaporated, more slowly, the optimism that the unprecedented level of disposable income had inspired. There were “energy crises” in several senses of this phrase. In the late-60s The Youngbloods could sing:

Come on people now
Smile on your brother
Everybody get together
Try to love one another right now

Waldman’s 1970s poem concludes

against a better will the will fights ill
distilling thru my eyes, tears for this whole world

It is not just the poet who is divorcing.

Some readers may have noted that the first line of that couplet is the standard English translation of the first line from Purgatorio, Canto 20 of Dante’s Inferno: “Contra miglior voler voler mal pugna”. I am no Dante expert, but I have taken this line to evoke a battle between the lust to possess and a desire to not give in to greed.

We might say more generally that my wanting what I want conflicts with a desire to accept and even embrace a world full of other I’s, equally wanting. (Potremmo dire più in generale che il mio volere ciò che voglio è in conflitto con il mio desiderio di accettare e persino abbracciare un mondo pieno di altri sé ugualmente desideranti – e limitati.)

I do not believe “Divorce Work” can be found online, but some of Waldman’s poems may be found on this Poetry Foundation website. I first got to know Waldman’s work in the mid-1970s when I was a student at the University of California, Berkeley, and was able to hear her perform her “Fast Speaking Woman” chants, which now seem to be available (printed not spoken) from City Lights in a “twentieth-anniversary expanded edition.”

Français

De toute façon, c’est quoi un mariage ?

Ma femme et moi montons dans un tram pour rentrer chez elle à Genève après

Son dîner d’anniversaire. 22 heures, un samedi soir. Le tram bondé. « On ne

Devrait pas être au lit ? » je demande à Anne, vu tous les enfants, poussettes et

Je pense, y-a-t-il une ville plus internationale que Genève ? Vous y entendez des

Gens parler français, comme ma femme et moi, et vous pensez – Ils doivent être des

Étrangers – ce que nous le sommes, dans le tram, entendant toutes les voix

Différentes – différents âges, styles différents, couleurs – et oui,

Je me souviens encore une fois d’un vers : « if Puerto Rico isn’t free

In five years I’ll be dead”, d’un vieux poème américain, « Divorce Work. »

Si Porto Rico n’est pas libre dans cinq ans, je serai mort. Le travail de

Divorce. Anne et moi ne vivons plus ensemble depuis près de 20 ans

Et maintenant je commence à lui parler du poème, en oubliant les vers

« What a way to split     amicably ». Quelle idée de se séparer     à l’amiable,

Disons, et « What’s a marriage anyway? » De toute façon,

C’est quoi un mariage ? Je dis à Anne quelque chose à propos de ce poète qui est

Allée chercher un divorce bon marché à « East 2nd Street, the end of Western
Civilization, New York », la fin de la civilisation occidentale, où

Notre fils vit toujours et où une pancarte dans le bureau du gouvernement disait « NO

TIRE LA PUERTA », Ne claquez pas la porte, et si tu voulais y acheter un studio

Maintenant il pourrait te coûter un million ou même davantage, et nous arrivons à notre arrêt et une mère et

Deux jeunes enfants descendent, et le garçon court devant et la fille

Commence à jacasser, ce qui fait rire la mère et secouer la tête, ainsi que

Nous deux.

Español

En el fondo ¿qué es un matrimonio?

Mi esposa y yo tomamos el tranvía para volver a su casa en Ginebra, después de

Su cena de cumpleaños. Un sábado, diez y pico de la noche, tranvía abarrotado. “¿No

Debería estar en la cama?” Le digo a Anne.

Todos los niños en cochecitos y Ginebra, ahora no conozco una

Ciudad más internacional, oyes a la gente hablar

En Francés, como mi mujer y yo, y piensas, Deben ser

Extranjeros, en el tranvía, todas las voces

Diferentes, diferentes edades, diferentes estilos y colores… Sí, vuelvo a

Recordar una frase: « if Puerto Rico isn’t free

In five years I’ll be dead », de un viejo poema americano, « Divorce Work. »

Si Puerto Rico no es libre en cinco años estaré muerto. Trabajo de

Divorcio. Anne y yo no vivimos juntos desde hace casi 20 años y

Ahora empiezo a hablarle del poema, olvidando los versos

« What a way to split     amicably ». Qué manera de separarse     amistosamente,

Digamos, y « What’s a marriage anyway? » En el fondo, ¿qué es

Un matrimonio? Le digo algo a Anne sobre este poeta que fue a buscar

Un divorcio barato a « East 2nd Street, the end of Western Civilization,

New York », donde todavía vive nuestro hijo y donde en la oficina del gobierno: « NO

TIRE LA PUERTA » decía un cartel y ahora los apartamentos cuestan

Un millón de dólares o más y llegamos a nuestra parada y una madre y dos

Niños pequeños se bajan, el niño corriendo adelante y la niña

Hablando como una cotorra que hace que la madre se riera y sacudiera la cabeza, junto con

Nosotros dos.


— Poem(s) and pen-and-ink drawing by William Eaton. The drawing is not, say, a portrait of Eaton and his wife, but rather developed from a photograph by the Swedish photographer Christer Strömholm (1918-2002), taken in Madrid in 1963.

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