A Limerick Sampler
It all began in May with a few limericks about Mike Pence, who has seemed at times on the verge of replacing Trump. By August 19, the collection of poems exceeded 90, and comprised many subjects, including my suffering heart. Below is a selection: the limericks most focused on Trump.
Kim Jong-un found his blustering much less attractive
After we deployed our weapon the most radioactive—
After the Donald and his mop
On Pyongyang were gently dropped.
The crowds, the last tweet reads, have been “fantastic.”
For appearances, ads, conversation—
The sad game has a name—dissimulation.
Should I too honest be,
What will people think of me?
To be Trumped is the fate of the nation.
Russians, we know, tried to swing the election
And met many Trump allies with little discretion.
About all we don’t know—
The specific quid pro quo
And the limits to Ryan’s corruption.
From their pool across their lawn the humans dripping pawed,
A grill cover from a woodchuck to violently withdraw.
He knew little of cooking, even less of crime,
But the cover’s burnished red was pleasing to his eye,
And like Donald Trump he thought—strong teeth are nine-tenths of the law.
Pence prayed to the gods of Mueller:
“Please find a way to make me the ruler.
To Russians and abortion
I prefer discrimination and donations
And guns in the laps of preschoolers.”
N.B.: The name being pronounced « muller », perhaps Pence really wished to be made duller?
“I can take a few more degrees,
If this puts under water
All these human monsters
Who care less for their children than me.”
He’s “a good guy,” Trump said of his Flynn,
A liar and traitor—a good partner in sin.
He’s “a good guy,” Mr. Comey replied,
Understanding too well—they three were combined.
In dreams another “good” holds goodness within.
In Macbeth a strong man is by his own crimes laid low.
He too frightened and too vulnerable, his kingdom overthrown.
Some say that so the Donald can only watch TV
And put on weight and tweet away, a specter of a he.
A warning to all graspers deceitful? Would that this were so!
A child from whom nourishing love is withheld
May to rougher relations find himself compelled—
Inveighing, gainsaying, affraying, foul playing,
A heart-warming friction thereby surveying.
Yet the first pain, and the emptiness, will not be expelled.
The house is commodious
“Mr. President” melodious
Should the Pences move early
Many Trumps will be surly
And Russians no longer sui generous
Is the system for electronic times no longer suitable?
Or are we again learning—flaws fundamental—
Celebrated rights and checks less legal than financial,
With our public resources ever enriching the venal
And public-trust-worthy chiefs and lawgivers more rare than exceptional?
By aggressors ruthless, results unexpected
The lives of many countries have been deflected
From Russia we’ve been sent a feckless leader
As Germans once east sent comrade Vladímir
Extraordinary actions—sequelae long regretted?
What matters is loyalty, not talent, we know,
And Trump the limits poignantly shows.
Of children and employees
It’s loyalty, loyalty,
Until under the next bus they’re thrown.
The twenty-fifth amendment states
The impeachment need hardly wait
Just a vote of the cabinet
Saying Trump’s too out of it
And the House Mr. Pence levitates
Just seventy-five self-absorbed years ago
With Allies the US united to raze the globe
The Nazis and murderous others were vigorously suppressed
Humane rights and humane structures were loudly professed
But now allies the US needs its own savagery to slow
Your limericking license must be a fake.
This special code word,
More sad than absurd,
Means “shut the fuck up for God’s sake!”
Obstruction of justice—impeachable offense
Very good for the friends of one Mr. Pence
Comey and Congress willing
The Oval Office they’ll be filling
Donald littering the forests of Smolensk
— William Eaton
Drawings (more decoration than illustration) are also by William Eaton. Do two of them suggest that some confusions regarding sexual orientation may be contributing to the current mess? Yes.
William Eaton is an essayist, aphorist, poet of a sort, and the Editor of the intellectual journal Zeteo. A collection of his essays, Surviving the Twenty-First Century, was published in 2015 by Serving House Books. Readers of the present piece might also be interested in Ameraiku, or in Trump, de Tocqueville, Democracy, Materialism, or This is my poem for Terminal B.
To read the whole limerick collection to date, see The Limericks (pdf); or the two Montaigbakhtinian posts: The Limericks, Part II (Injustice, Trump, Illness, Poetry) and Part I
(Pence, Trump, Mueller, Capitalism). Note that in these posts many of the limericks comes with additional information from various media.
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